December 27, 2015
Dude. You gotta get that tiki disco shot with me and Charlotte taken down
I really like her, but I think I have slept with her younger sister…. ……
INSERT FUNNY FACE IMAGE
Come on man, I just need to buy some time
Got other shit on my plate dude, will send a note to them. Stay classy Ray Jay
I watched our crappy aircon unit fight a losing battle against the heat. Half inside, half out – dripping from both sides. Such was my struggle. The afternoon had cascaded into a series of web tabs and daydreams, floating in and out while staring at this screen. Thinking about doing some work, then finding I was on Twitter and another hour had disappeared.
Pulling the last two pieces of bread from the freezer, I fantasized about a Saltie sandwich. Pastrami, pate and pickled veggies on salted focaccia, with that sauce they put on it. A $12 indulgence well beyond me. I had deleted Seamless off my phone and I had enough money to eat crap for another two weeks. I’d already borrowed from my mum and the friends that I could borrow from without making myself sick. I was at the end of the line.
We seem to acquire so many overheads as we get older, the admin starts to get more complex. It used to be: produce a couple of tracks for someone, get paid, roll on with life – tag along on a tour, party with a bunch of people, shoot a video and get decent lump sum coming in to carry through. These days they almost expect you to shoot the thing for free. Like my only purpose in the world was a constantly evolve a showreel. Fuck these young cats that are doing it all for free. We need to union this shit up.
I’d put the feelers out for work. Nothing. I even dropped Victor a note, he actually got back to me saying they might have some stuff coming up in the next few weeks, but that was probably just a courtesy. I was deep in stagnation. I hadn’t paid rent in two months, selling records, clothes, two samplers and a guitar that wasn’t mine. I had played a couple of gigs at Glasslands but that hadn’t made much of a dent, partly due to the fact that they docked a chunk due to my longstanding tab.
There is nothing like a little taste of something great to ensure you’ll crash back to reality when it’s gone, to let you know that some elements of life are just off limits. I used to have that Lincoln quote ‘Good things come to those that wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.’ written on my Facebook page when I was a kid. The American dream, the eternal promise that hard work will deliver everyone a place in the sun. I felt that the work with East & Low was it, that was the start, but now who knows what they are up to. Everyone else in this city seemed to be killing it, just floating around harvesting the benefits.
I just wanted to get paid so I could get on with something. Why did it have to be so complicated, this swirling between jobs, the unknown, I had to chase people just to pay. Four months. That’s how long the agency took to pay me for my last video job. I’d stopped the YouTube postings, I just couldn’t fake the enthusiasm for the camera, I didn’t want to do some morbid shit.
I grabbed one of the last two beers from the fridge, held it tightly in my palm willing the chill through my body. It sucked that consistent money was so much more important now. We used to laugh at the guys doing boring day jobs, but they didn’t have to worry about where the money was coming, just haul their asses into work Monday and it’ll work out. Now they are the ones taking off on holidays to Croatia.
I always told myself that I wouldn’t have it any other way – that this is what I do. I believe that. But I’m over this. It’s hard to create on the bones of your ass.
Last week was actually really productive. I cranked out three beats, had a local MC come over and lay down vocals on one of them. I’d sent them to a bunch of more established artists and a couple labels, but nothing. The track we did lay down was doing pretty well on SoundCloud but the buzz wasn’t paying any bills and I just couldn’t see a path through it.
What I needed right now was a quick fix and something with follow through. A quick turnaround job to get me back up and running. I was hoping I could get a gig doing video on some of the RedBull tours going on at the moment, I normally heard back pretty quickly from them. They paid pretty well, and always on time. Money was flowing in this city, I just need to tap a source, find a way to bring some of it my way. Maybe I was missing something, doing what you love wasn’t meant to be this hard.